I'm Tired, but I love it

I’m tired. Not exhausted, but tired and I know many others feel the same way right now or have done recently with fall race season in full flow. At the time of writing I’m four weeks out from my goal race day (and as I finish this off 2 weeks later, I’m still tired), it’s a familiar feeling I typically get at this stage of my training. It’s been months of training to prepare for this race and I’m now I’m at the peak stage of this training block.

In some ways it feels like mile 20-22 of the Marathon. I’m through the majority of the race, I can start to smell the finish is near, but there’s still work to be done and it’s important to stay focused. I still need to patient and smart to not unravel all that hard work I’ve done leading up to this point.

At this point in the race, the crowd thins out and the energy around starts to fade. That’s my running partner options dwindling as they reach their own goal races or taper off early and you can end up running more runs solo, especially if you have specific workouts to hit. It’s mostly on me now to get the job done. Even though it’s a time I really need them the most, it’s a test of my strength that will prepare me well for success.

I know I need to stay on top of the essentials at this point in the race like my fueling and hydration, but by golly, just the thought of taking that gel out my pocket makes me gag, let alone putting one near my mouth. For me this is all my supplemental work in training. The stretching, mobility, and strength work I’m normally so meticulous about slips down the pecking order as I focus on survival. I’ll roll out the yoga mat, put the weights beside me, but honestly just lying down feels so good right now. I’ll find a way though and trudge through it as I vow never to take use that gel ever again schedule so much in a single day ever again.

Miles 20-22 are mentally the hardest for me. My mindset is truly challenged. I’m close but not close enough. Each mile starts to feel the same (what mile am I even in right now?), I start to question why I’m even doing this or will anyone even care if I just walk it to the finish line at this point. My mind is losing focus as I get distracted by random thoughts instead of focusing on the race. My legs are heavy and everything just feels hard. Training feels similar. Each day feels repetitive, it feels like I’m running, eating, sleeping on repeat. That rest day feels so far away and I’m probably going to wake up early anyway and oversubscribe myself to too many tasks for it to really feel like a rest day anyway. Even my sleep gets wacky from the dream I had about scoring a big PR and then waking up to realize it didn’t actually happen 😔, to the nightmare scenario of being helplessly stuck on mile 25 with mile 26 never showing up and you’re just trapped in the race forever with your goal time slipping away (welcome to my nightmares 😁). That alarm clock hits harder each morning and I spend the first 5min post alarm fantasizing what it will feel like post-race to stay in a warm cozy bed. Does it matter if I skip this run? When I do run, it takes an extended amount of time to get the legs going again and it’s hard to remember what fresh legs feel like. It’s hard and I’m tired is the constant thought.

I recognize some of these behaviors and feelings are unhealthy. My life is not balanced right now. I’m sacrificing things I’d ideally not be. I’m squeezing in runs instead of playing with my kids. I’m neglecting important time with my wife in the evenings to get to bed early to be ready for the next day. I’m preparing a separate meal for myself compared to the family so I don’t have GI issues on my next run. I’m turning down social events with friends I really want to spend time with because I simply don’t have the energy or bandwidth to right now and the thought of staying up late just gives me anxiety. My family and friends are also sacrificing a lot for me too and that doesn’t go unnoticed.

To be clear I’m not completely neglecting these things, we recently went on a camping trip as a family, I went out for dinner with friends, and I’m still spending quality time with my kids, wife and friends each day, just not as much as I’d like to. The good news is, this is all temporary (which is one of the reasons why periodizing training is important). My family and friends are (somewhat) used to this stage now and wouldn’t be possible without their understanding. It’s why in that post-race period I make an extra effort to spend more time with family and friends and doing the things I’ve neglected or missed out on recently.

I’m tired and it’s hard, but the reality is, I love it. I love the grind. I love knowing that I’m willing and able to challenge my body even in my late 30s. I love that it’s me who makes those decisions to do the hard things when it’s easier and simpler not to. I know there’s no guarantees that I’ll achieve my goal, but there’s power in knowing I’m trying. I may or may not reach my goal, but I know what I’m doing is good and important for me and I will have no regrets over that. As I sit here feeling tired and dreaming of what’s on the other side post race day, I’m also reminding myself that I am doing this. I am strong. I am determined. I am resilient. Most of all, I love it. Bring it on miles 20 and beyond, we are ready for you!

No trip is ever the same, but along the way I have learnt some tips which have helped me find a good balance between training and vacationing. With this vacation falling 14-16 weeks out from my goal marathon at Indianapolis, taking it easy and/or neglecting my training wasn’t an option given the goals I have set myself and am committed to. But I was also committed to spending quality time with friends and family and enjoying some down time to re-energize myself. It’s never easy, but as with this vacation, I’ve found that PLANNING AHEAD is the key to success so here’s some things you may want to consider or try before your next vacation.