Frustration with Fitness: the Art of Patience
I want to be faster so bad right now. I’m trying, maybe a little too much. I’m 7 weeks out from my Goal Race at the Greenville Half Marathon and I can sense the self-doubt creeping in. There’s numbers I want to hit, in a workout, in a day, in a week. These numbers are related to speed, mileage, and sleep. Some numbers I hit, some I don’t. The number I’m struggling with most is from my mornings on the track. My sleep has been decent recently, I’m relatively happy with my mileage, my Threshold and Tempo runs go well, but when I step on the track to do anything 10k paced or quicker it feels like a fight, one in which I’m losing.
It’s frustrating. I want to be faster, and I know I can be. I tell myself the next rep I can push it a little more and then the watch ticks over and it’s not what I was hoping for and in that moment a drip of negatively seeps into me. Overtime I know that compounds and weight of it adds up. The thing is, I’m not running badly, I’m close. I’m trying to hit a time that I’ve essentially guesstimated based on where I think I am, where I’ve been before, and where I want to be. The difference between running an 800m rep in 2:39min instead of 2:37min is miniscule and not a significant issue, yet my mind places more weight on it than I should.
The most damaging issue is that at times I do hit that made up number, sometimes even surpass it, but I’m still not satisfied. I should be happy, right? Afterall, that is what I was trying to achieve, wasn’t it? Why am I not satisfied? The real answer is that I am chasing the wrong thing. I get so caught up in the numbers that I forget what I’m really doing this for. You see, it’s not a number I’m chasing, it’s a feeling.
When I trained for the Indianapolis Marathon this past Fall, I had that feeling. The best way to describe this ‘feeling’ is that I felt invincible. In the peak of my training, I felt unstoppable during workouts. Each week I’d look at my workouts for the week and know that I could absolutely do them. They were hard workouts, harder than I’ve ever done before, but I thrived under them. My self-confidence was sky high. You could have put me in a race with Kipchoge, and I’d tell you I was going to beat him.
That’s the feeling I crave right now. The issue is, I’m not in the same stage of my training and I haven’t given myself the same base. That invincible feeling came at the peak of my training for Indianapolis coming off a strong block through the summer. I’m not in the same stage now and it’s not fair to compare myself to that version of myself now. That comparison is harming me.
If I’m honest with myself, I know I’ve not had the same focus and dedication over the past 6 weeks as I did for my Indianapolis block. After Indianapolis Marathon, I took some time off for a few weeks. A whole week of not running followed by a few weeks of very easy sporadic running. Then, over the holidays we travelled to England to visit family. I really enjoyed myself during that time. I stayed up way later than I typically do. I frequently swapped out freshly cooked meals for takeout. No chocolate bar was safe at any time of day (can we talk about how British chocolate is superior to American chocolate 😂). I can count how many acholic drinks on 2 hands that I drank between Jan and Nov 7th, 2025, but I’d need more hands and feet to tally the amount between that date and the New Year. In the past 5-6 weeks, the running part of my training has actually been decent. However, fitness gains don’t live in a vacuum, and the other factors play a crucial role too, even many weeks later when I’ve got those other factors back on track. I’m not upset about this. For 10 months of the year, I have been extremely dialed in on my training, including my diet and sleep. I can’t be on for 12months of the year. I’d burn out. Dialing back my focus on training is healthy.
Some might argue I’m approaching 6 weeks out and should be entering a peak stage of fitness, but the timeline between now and my goal race doesn’t determine where I am, it’s what I did before this time. I’m not 7 weeks away from race day, I’m 6 weeks into my training block which has been decent but not to my highest standard I set myself. Those situations are very different. Even if I had a stronger base behind me, I can’t force this feeling on my body. Each training cycle is different. My body has its own schedule. I can help it along, but there’s a lot out of my control too.
Just like a good tea, I need to be patient and allowed to seep a little longer so I can truly enjoy to maximum flavor. I’m not there yet and I hope to get that feeling soon, but there’s a chance I may not get there in time. It can’t be forced. A gentle reminder to meet my body where it is now is the key to finding that feeling. I want to be ready in 7 weeks’ time, but I have many longer-term goals I have my sights on and being patient now will serve those goals well.
Inspiration
Comparison is the thief of joy they say and to an extent that’s true, but it also depends on how you interpret that comparison. For my son, seeing a peer who he viewed as someone similar to him was inspiring rather than threatening. It wasn’t a “why can’t do that”, it was more of a “well if they can do it, maybe I can too.” It helped him knowing that his friend had faced similar struggles to him and the video of his friend succeeding was the moment that gave him belief that this was possible. Watching someone who has experienced similar struggles to ourselves and come out on top is incredibly powerful.
Patience
We live in an instant world. We want something delivered, we can have it on our doorstep in the hour. When we work on big goals, that doesn’t happen. Often there is no time frame. We saw some friends younger than our son learn to ride a bike much sooner. We also know there are older children out there who are still in the learning process. Although some of the strategies we tried may have helped nudge him along (and maybe some set him back), the truth was, he wasn’t ready. During testing times that we can experience when chasing a challenging goal, it’s important we be patient. Trying to force ourselves to do something when we aren’t quite ready to do so rarely ends well. Frustration grows, engagement drops and our body can start to send us signs it’s all a bit too rushed. Lower the pressure, extend or remove the timeline, and focus on meeting yourself were you are now. Your time will come if you stick at it.
Success is not Linear
Even when his interest peaked after seeing the video, that patience was key. It wasn’t a smooth process over those 3 weeks. We had many ups and downs and setbacks along the way. There were many melt downs and tears on the greenway, a couple of sit down protests, and even the occasional outburst using the forbidden “S” word – “Stupid Bike.” When we start to achieve success, we can get a little carried away and expectation blur reality. Once my son figured out how to ride his bike unsupported, he expected it to happen every time. It didn’t and this was a source of frustration, along with now also realizing he now had to control the direction of the bike after just mastering the balancing and pedaling part. Tricky stuff. It’s normal to take steps back at times, especially when the progress has been quick. We have to sit in that uncomfortableness, but the good news is, if we are willing to keep at it, the steps forward are easier than before and sometimes we even jump further ahead. Also a great opportunity to develop that resilience.
Intrinsic Vs. Extrinsic Motivation
Okay, we were the parents that went the extrinsic option by offering a reward of a Lego set if he could ride his bike. We know the value of intrinsic motivation, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and it clearly worked. The Lego kit was something he talked about daily to the point he showed us a YouTube video of all the different Lego sets he wants (and now he knows how to use YouTube apparently 😬). As adults, I’d like to think we are more intrinsically motivated when chasing our goals (we do it because we want to do it / it makes us feel good inside), buy hey, sometimes a bit of extrinsic motivation can help too (we see those kudos lovers out there).
Clear Goals
One area we fell short in was not setting a clear goal, which our son took quick advantage of. When he “rode” his bike for 3 seconds before crashing into the grass, our son was quick to get up and declare “I rode my bike, can I have my Lego now?” Technically he was right. Our goal wasn’t specific enough, so some renegotiating took place. The new goal was to “ride his bike from the start of the Greenway to the bridge, without adult help and without stopping before the end of the month.” Having a clear and concise goal gave provides direction for the doer, but it also helps all parties involved now what the expectation is so we can all be pulling in the same direction.
Opportunity / Access
Lastly I’ll add, having access to the Greenway that was flat and 1/2 mile from our house was priceless. We are fortunate to have access to this type of space and are incredibly grateful for it, especially since we live in a hilly neighborhood. It’s no coincidence that our son learnt to ride his bike just a couple of weeks after this section of the Greenway opened up.
Take Aways
- Who inspires you and gives you belief that you can achieve the goals you are chasing?
- Who do you inspire? Think about the people who see you in action and may be quietly (or loudly) thinking to themselves, “maybe I can do that.” Your influence is bigger than you think.
- Are you pushing or being patient?
- Have you suffered a setback recently? How did you respond? How will you respond next time?
- What motivates you?
- Are your goals clear? Do invested parties know your goals?