Chasing Goals: Just Like Learning to Ride a Bike
Last week we hit a major milestone in the McMillen household. Our 5.75 year old (the .75 is important apparently) is finally a bike rider 🥳! It’s been a journey over many years with not much success or signs of it happening until recently. At one point my wife suggested we seek outside help – “you know there are people out there that are paid to do this sort of thing” – talk about lighting a fire under me 😆. We had tried many weird and wonderful methods to help our son take that next step. Balance bikes, training wheels, towels wrapped around his waist, tandem bikes with a child extension on them and watching various YouTube videos, but no luck. If anything his enthusiasm for even trying was starting to wain and we, as parents, had to tread a fine line of encouraging him to try but also not extinguishing all interest in trying.
Then one day we happened to show him a video of a friend of his riding her bike for the first time. This appeared to be the trigger point because soon he asked to head out to the new greenway extension by our house to give it a try which of course we jumped right on this new found enthusiasm. Over the next 3 weeks we hit the greenway with the bike almost every day, spending 15-30min each time, progressing from training wheels, to no training wheels and me providing some balance support, to finally him cycling freely (to the point we know have to call him back 😂). Watching the journey unfold over time reminded me of some of the key ingredients needed when we are working towards challenging goals or tasks.
Inspiration
Comparison is the thief of joy they say and to an extent that’s true, but it also depends on how you interpret that comparison. For my son, seeing a peer who he viewed as someone similar to him was inspiring rather than threatening. It wasn’t a “why can’t do that”, it was more of a “well if they can do it, maybe I can too.” It helped him knowing that his friend had faced similar struggles to him and the video of his friend succeeding was the moment that gave him belief that this was possible. Watching someone who has experienced similar struggles to ourselves and come out on top is incredibly powerful.
Patience
We live in an instant world. We want something delivered, we can have it on our doorstep in the hour. When we work on big goals, that doesn’t happen. Often there is no time frame. We saw some friends younger than our son learn to ride a bike much sooner. We also know there are older children out there who are still in the learning process. Although some of the strategies we tried may have helped nudge him along (and maybe some set him back), the truth was, he wasn’t ready. During testing times that we can experience when chasing a challenging goal, it’s important we be patient. Trying to force ourselves to do something when we aren’t quite ready to do so rarely ends well. Frustration grows, engagement drops and our body can start to send us signs it’s all a bit too rushed. Lower the pressure, extend or remove the timeline, and focus on meeting yourself were you are now. Your time will come if you stick at it.
Success is not Linear
Even when his interest peaked after seeing the video, that patience was key. It wasn’t a smooth process over those 3 weeks. We had many ups and downs and setbacks along the way. There were many melt downs and tears on the greenway, a couple of sit down protests, and even the occasional outburst using the forbidden “S” word – “Stupid Bike.” When we start to achieve success, we can get a little carried away and expectation blur reality. Once my son figured out how to ride his bike unsupported, he expected it to happen every time. It didn’t and this was a source of frustration, along with now also realizing he now had to control the direction of the bike after just mastering the balancing and pedaling part. Tricky stuff. It’s normal to take steps back at times, especially when the progress has been quick. We have to sit in that uncomfortableness, but the good news is, if we are willing to keep at it, the steps forward are easier than before and sometimes we even jump further ahead. Also a great opportunity to develop that resilience.
Intrinsic Vs. Extrinsic Motivation
Okay, we were the parents that went the extrinsic option by offering a reward of a Lego set if he could ride his bike. We know the value of intrinsic motivation, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and it clearly worked. The Lego kit was something he talked about daily to the point he showed us a YouTube video of all the different Lego sets he wants (and now he knows how to use YouTube apparently 😬). As adults, I’d like to think we are more intrinsically motivated when chasing our goals (we do it because we want to do it / it makes us feel good inside), buy hey, sometimes a bit of extrinsic motivation can help too (we see those kudos lovers out there).
Clear Goals
One area we fell short in was not setting a clear goal, which our son took quick advantage of. When he “rode” his bike for 3 seconds before crashing into the grass, our son was quick to get up and declare “I rode my bike, can I have my Lego now?” Technically he was right. Our goal wasn’t specific enough, so some renegotiating took place. The new goal was to “ride his bike from the start of the Greenway to the bridge, without adult help and without stopping before the end of the month.” Having a clear and concise goal gave provides direction for the doer, but it also helps all parties involved now what the expectation is so we can all be pulling in the same direction.
Opportunity / Access
Lastly I’ll add, having access to the Greenway that was flat and 1/2 mile from our house was priceless. We are fortunate to have access to this type of space and are incredibly grateful for it, especially since we live in a hilly neighborhood. It’s no coincidence that our son learnt to ride his bike just a couple of weeks after this section of the Greenway opened up.
Take Aways
- Who inspires you and gives you belief that you can achieve the goals you are chasing?
- Who do you inspire? Think about the people who see you in action and may be quietly (or loudly) thinking to themselves, “maybe I can do that.” Your influence is bigger than you think.
- Are you pushing or being patient?
- Have you suffered a setback recently? How did you respond? How will you respond next time?
- What motivates you?
- Are your goals clear? Do invested parties know your goals?